Home Sweet Sickness

friends huggiphy

Hugs to everyone 🙂 But hugs to myself mostly (lols)

I woke up to a sunless room. But the morning didn’t feel heavy on my shoulders. It felt just right, like when you put enough salt on your eggs. I performed my typical Monday morning routine, such as going to the gym, cooking breakfast, and getting ready to attend my politics class at NYU. The walk to class was so breezy and cool, with the air feeling dry as the coming Autumn signaled its seasonal arrival. But night will eventually darken the sky, it’s just natural. And I guess I darkened a little with it. Don’t take that alarmingly, though! I just feel homesick, is all.

I live less than 30 minutes from my house, but it’s still difficult to be away from my family, a close-knit group of people bounded by love and great support system. Although that may be true, imagine being really close to your family, and you are flying without wings, away from your nest. Tell me all about the idea of “independence” and the “college experience”. Trust me, I’m going through it and I’ve enjoyed that part in my first year at NYU. But I’ve matured, you see. Now, in my opinion, family is everything.

Being a student is a difficult task. But I know that more challenges are ahead. My uncle once told me that being a student will be the easiest task as we get older. I agree, but not to the extent where cultural differences come up. You see, I have been to schools in three different countries. Once in South Korea, once in China, and now in America. You may think that the two east Asian countries may use similar academic techniques, but trust me, it is very different. Strictness aside, stereotypes cannot play a role in how different countries define education.

In America, I went to middle school, high school, and now, college.

I have to say, American has a pretty rigorous educational system (but it still needs reform…that would be a whole different topic). Not only studying an important variable, numerous American students get involved with sports teams, clubs, volunteer work, and off/on-campus jobs.

I just came back to my residence hall after a long day. Two classes, which isn’t so bad. But then meeting after meeting, interviewing for the college paper, trying to squeeze in time to get some food, then trying again to squeeze time to get some work done. Planning a fundraiser, planning the days ahead. Starting to get worried about greek life recruitment, because I decided to rush. Starting to get worried about my financial status. I have sufficient amount of money in my account, but I keep being unsatisfied because NYC is a monetary drain for college students. Now I have a lot of complaints of how little my work pays. I work at the NYU Law School, and I have got a lot of grievances against them.

I can’t stop counting the thoughts in my head. And they’re mostly negative. I can tolerate it, because small moments of positiveness still happen, such as having a spontaneous text with my mom. Or the moment that I got my first school newspaper gig. Or the moment I said hi to my friends on the streets of NYC. Or just the moments I am sitting in class because I am fortunate enough to receive an education.

Thoughts get recycled in my mind. I can’t help it.

I just miss being able to do whatever I want in my own house. And I loved the emptiness of my mind during the summer. Maybe this is how summer leaves us sometimes: nostalgia and a silent farewell, see you again in a few (read several) months.

I’ll give a hug to summer. Thanks to all the sweaty backs and foreheads, the hot subway stations, and most of all, the beaches.

I guess there’s no general point about this post–just that I miss home. And I guess that’s totally fine.

I’m going to wake up tomorrow to the same setting, but I know I’ll be feeling better because I had the means to post my feelings. It can be hard to confess feelings, I know at firsthand. But being ashamed of myself would be the last thing I want to happen.

I’m homesick! And that’s just part of the experience we call life.

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